The Cognitium War: Troika Table

The Cognitium War is in its final turns, with players beginning to succumb to Accelerated Fight Or Fail and the final results of the game approaching certainty. Not long ago, I sat down with the three primary members of the surviving soon-to-be victorious alliance, and we spoke a bit about the game. The substance of that discussion follows.

(Editor’s Note: As always, we’ve edited this. The substance of what was said is unchanged, but some context is always, regrettably, removed for length and readability.)


Zacha, Morgens, and Fexer, welcome to the Forum. Thanks for joining me.

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ACTION NEWS: Grand Marshall Championship

The Crisium Conflict (not to be confused with Crissum Contact)

Good evening to all folks at Planets Nu! This is Gary Garishen, bringing you an exclusive sneak peek at the Crisium Conflict. Be warned: The described images are quite intense and may cause indigestion.

My team and I accessed an inquisition room in the Grand Marshall’s office (aka Discord). We witnessed the interrogation of representatives from the Eleven races. These commanders endured Klingon agonizers, Imperial carbon freezers, Spanish donkeys, and a myriad of Privateer castration tools; in the end, we gleaned important inside information about the match.

Action News apologizes that several participants did not survive initial questioning and were unable to provide answers.

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Trophies! Also, Our Own Coffee!

Talespin and I are thrilled to announce the arrival, here at the official Planets Magazine shipping and distribution center (otherwise known as my dining room table), of the brand new trophies for the Planets Magazine Invitational series. Take a look:

I remember when I used to have a dining room…

Just imagine winning one of these for your very own, to display next to that Nobel medal, the Pulitzer, and your eighth-grade spelling bee trophy.

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The Negotiator’s Parables

Lessons in Planets Diplomacy

Once upon a time in a sector two feet in front of my eyes, I tumbled down a wormhole and found a universe that was flat, the stars bright but still, and cows, worms, and iguanas lived on tiny white dots in the black. To my right, I saw a flock of birds caught in webs and a lizard eating a shoe. On my left there were many soldiers, some nearly human and others part machine. They were caught in an endless war of lies and blood. I averted my eyes.

It was then that I noticed the cricket on a rock near the path. He wore a dress shirt and a tie. As odd as it was, it was stranger still when he asked me to sit. He taught me about Space War and spoke of the Grand Queue. The wisdom of the cricket opened my mind and I decided to pass it on… to you.

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TOURNAMENT POLL: Trophies

You should all know by now that we’re mailing out mugs to all of our Planets Magazine Classic Invitational Tournament participants. (Thanks to a generous — and anonymous — player, some of the cost of doing this has been donated.) What you may not realize is that we’re also sending out a physical trophy to the final victor.

Of course, that’s just an idea of what it might look like. We’re still fiddling with the design.

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The First Planets Magazine Invitational

The first Planets Magazine Classic Invitational has now been launched, and the champions are assembling. Top players from Planets Nu, both past and present, have been sent invitations to join, and as soon as the game is full it will begin. is well underway as of this writing, and we’re getting ready to start the second one.

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ACTION NEWS: And The LOTTO Winner Is…

Hello, good evening, and welcome to the second part of this special edition of Planets Magazine Action News. I’m Jim Chancellite, coming to you Live! from the Cognitium War!

We’re joined tonight in the studio by military expert Col. Tolliver South, and live on Ansible, High Consul Ef Hu.

Both: [jumbled greetings]

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ACTION NEWS: Inside The Cognitium War

Hello, good evening, and welcome to this special edition of Planets Magazine Action News. I’m Jim Chancellite, coming to you Live! from the Cognitium War!

As always in these special reports, there’s tremendous amounts of excitement here at Broadcast Center. We’re joined tonight by military expert Col. Tolliver South, late of the Federation Navy, who is able to be with us live in the studio.

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