Action News: Pisces Pandemonium

This is a Planets Magazine Action News Update, coming to you live from the Pisces War with a special report!

Hello, I’m Jim Chancellite. The top story tonight is the continuing chaos in Fascist State Headquarters, as more party members are being summoned for what has been announced as an “Emergency Quorum” following the unexplained absence of Supreme Commander Plumilol. We go now to roving reporter Pat Patterson, currently on location in the State Capitol. Are you there, Pat?

PP: Good evening, Jim. I’m standing here outside the Chancellery Building in State City Center. Official government vehicles have been arriving for the past hour, each carrying a delegation of high-ranking party members. One is offloading now; we can see that two of the passengers are wearing flight suits, so these dignitaries are likely from off-world. There’s still no word from Party Leadership or any of the official State news outlets about the reason for the conference, but we’re just getting… Excuse me a moment, Jim.

[pause — talking offscreen]

PP: Sorry about that, Jim; our technical crew has just overheard a Traffic Unit directive; they’re clearing all vehicles from Progress Avenue from here to the Treasury Department. And it looks like… yes, they’re clearing the portico area at the Chancellery with unusual haste; two of the State Guardsmen just physically picked up an elderly Party member and carried him bodily inside. All indications are that something big is about to happen.

JC: Is there any indication as to what might be going on?

PP: Not at this time, Jim. But coming from the Treasury, there’s only a couple of possibilities, and none of them bodes well for the State. There’s a– We’re hearing vehicle noises; they’re GETTING LOUDER; I’M GOING TO HAVE TO SHOUT TO BE HEARD OVER—

[a massive vehicle roars up the drive — hundreds of grim citizens in uniform leap out and move in toward the building — sudden silence as the engine cuts out]

–N’T TELL IF… Oh, uh, sorry. As I was saying, we can’t tell if the Grand High Bureaucrat himself has arrived, but this certainly clears things up.

JC: I’m sorry, Pat; you were drowned out by the engine noise there. Do we know who these new arrivals are?

PP: Yes, Jim. This is the Special Response Unit, the most feared, even despised, government force in the Fascist State. Their brutal tactics have inspired terror across the Sector; they are precision-trained, completely loyal to the State, and entirely without mercy.

JC: What — are they some sort of, of SWAT team or something?

PP: Far worse, Jim. They’re combat accountants from the Cheerful Compliance Division of the State Revenue Service. It’s pretty clear now that–

JC: I’m sorry, Pat; we’ve got to cut away for a moment. We’ve just been notified that an official Fascist State broadcast is underway; we’re switching over to that feed live.

[martial music]

This is Chief Bureaucrat Sqlig of the State Revenue Service. We regret to inform you that Supreme Commander Plumilol has been indefinitely detained for tax fraud. Twelve years ago, while studying advanced tactics at Space Force Officer Academy, Plumilol was awarded the Silver Badge Of Merit. However, he subsequently failed to list the Badge on his Form E-10638-A as an Award of the State, or pay the twelve pfennig Precious Metals Tax. Let this be a lesson to all Citizens of the State! We are watching, and no one is immune. Victory to the State!

[more martial music]

Well, there you have it: Supreme Commander Plumilol has apparently been relieved of his command. We have as yet received no word of any replacement, nor do we have any news on how this will impact the ongoing conflict in the Pisces War, which is still in a chaotic adjustment period following the collapse of Imperial Bird Men Forces earlier this year. Rest assured, we will keep you updated as new information becomes available.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming, “Sex Puppets Take Manhattan”, already in progress. This is Action News.

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