This is Planets Magazine Action News, coming to you live with a special report: The Capricorn War — Conflict in Echo Cluster!
Good evening; I’m Jim Chancellite. We’re getting reports of a breaking story; ace reporter Pat Patterson is on the scene. Can you tell us what’s happening, Pat?
PP: Good evening, Jim. Earlier today, a Senate investigative team issued a preliminary report from a crime scene investigation here on Bloomfield, a residence station in the New Detroit system. Fragmentary human remains have been recovered, and there is reportedly some evidence that they may belong to long-vanished union leader Jimmy Hoffman. Hoffman, as you may recall, disappeared from the parking lot of a restaurant here in affluent Bloomfield shortly before the beginning of the shipbuilder’s strike, now in the middle of its eleventh year.
JC: Is there any word on how conclusive this evidence is? Are they sure it’s Hoffman?
PP: They haven’t told us everything, Jim; that’s normal in an ongoing investigation. However, i can tell you that they’ve definitely recovered partial human remains, and what I’m told is definitely Hoffman’s wristwatch.
JC: Well! That does give rise to some speculation, Pat.
PP: Indeed it does, Jim.
JC: Do we know yet how the Senate investigators found the crime scene?
PP: From what we’re told, there was an anonymous tip called in quite some time ago, shortly after the disappearance. Due to the present investigative backlog, they’re only getting to it now.
JC: Shortly after– But Hoffman disappeared eleven years ago!
PP: That’s true, Jim. A Senate spokesman has told us – on condition of anonymity – that the investigative team has been running short-staffed for quite a while. “Things are getting done when we get to them,” is his take on the investigation timetable.
JC: That doesn’t sound good, Pat.
PP: Our tax dollars at work, Jim.
Excuse me, Pat; I’ve just been handed an informal statement given by ECSU president “Feet” Charnow.
“We here at da union have been going on the prasumption that Mr. Hoffman was a innocent victim of the fighting at the Bird Man homewoyld, and now we hear this about this restaurant thingie? I don’t know about you, but I smells coverup; that’s what I smells.”
Mr. Charnow has faced wide criticism for his part in supporting the shipbuilder’s strike for the past several years.
In other news, I’ve been informed that the Cyborg Hive has failed to send its daily threat of return today. This message has been received at Action News headquarters just before each regular broadcast since their departure from the Echo Cluster several months ago. We’re uncertain what this might mean, but we’re not giving up on the Cyborg yet. As a race, they’re remarkably resilient.
And that’s the way it is, today, the frimpth of Frobozz in the eighth year of Emperor Emork, long may he reign! Stay tuned for tonight’s episode of Supernova, an investigation into the “Rainbow Exploder” incident.